I woke at 3am this morning, rather apt as today is the longest day and here I am making it even longer!
Now I do often wake up in the middle of the night, but usually a sleep story from my Calm app sends me straight back off
Today, however, my brain had different ideas; she was running wild and free.
Busy, a bit anxious, overthinking, wandering in and out of thoughts and making connections – some helpful, some unhelpful.
The last few weeks have been a lot; my chest has been a bit of a diva, which has sapped my energy (hello, nana naps every afternoon). I’ve moved my studio into a new room. I’ve been dealing with a lot of legal stuff around my Mum’s dementia care. And this on top of the normal day-to-day running of a business, home and life.
Twenty years ago, I was rebuilding my life after my marriage broke down. I was raising two girls, trying to create a business, worrying about money and feeling responsible for it all. Looking back now, I can see that much of my life since then has been built around survival. Keeping everything together, being careful, sensible, responsible, making do….
It was only recently, when that twenty-year anniversary rolled around, that I realised how much of that thinking is still there.
But my life is completely different now. My girls are grown up. The business is established. I have grandchildren. I have choices that I didn’t have twenty years ago. But sometimes my brain still behaves as though I’m that woman trying desperately to hold everything together.
Survival became a lifestyle, “I’ll manage” became my mantra.
And that served me brilliantly.
Protection got me here.
But protection won’t take me where I want to go next.
Now it’s time to trust myself, to have my own back so hard that whatever happens, I know I’ll be fine.
Trust will take me forward.
As I lay there this morning, I found myself thinking about all the things I know work for me.
Not the new things. Not the shiny, exciting things.
The simple things.
A coffee in the morning with the dog next to me. Going for a walk. Getting to the gym. Eating a decent breakfast with enough protein. Spending time outside. Having meaningful conversations. Going to bed early. Following up on opportunities. Looking after my home. Keeping promises to myself.
None of these things are revolutionary. They’re not sexy. They’re not dramatic. But they are me, and every time I do them, I feel better. My health improves. My confidence improves. My business improves. My mood improves.
But, if I’m honest, I have spent years looking for the faster route, a better strategy.
The silver bullet that would finally make everything fall into place.
But what if the answer isn’t out there? What if the answer is simply doing more of the things we already know work?
Not in a checklist, harsh, discipline kind of way. But with self-trust and self-respect.
Confidence ebbs and flows. Motivation comes and goes. Some days you feel like taking action, and some days you don’t. Hello sofa, chocolate and Netflix.
Self-trust is different. It’s knowing that you’ll do what you said you would do.
As I write this, there are twenty-five days until my 58th birthday.
Twenty-five days to continue to build self-trust.
So my challenge is simple. Every day I will eat a protein-rich breakfast. Every day I will go for a walk. Every day I will make an offer in my business.
That’s it. No elaborate morning routine. No life makeover. No spreadsheet tracking seventeen different habits.
Just three promises to myself, to trust my word to myself.
We live in a world that loves transformation stories. The before and after photos. The overnight successes. The dramatic reveal.
What we rarely talk about is the middle bit. The ordinary Tuesday when you go for the walk even though you can’t really be arsed, the boring but healthy breakfast, the offers that get ghosted.
The small promises that don’t look life-changing at first look, but slowly become your life.
I suspect that’s what my 3am brain was trying to tell me.
Not that I need a new plan. Not that I need another strategy. Not that I need to figure everything out before I move forward.
Simply that I need to trust what I already know. Trust myself.
So for the next twenty-five days, that’s what I’m practising.
Not because I think twenty-five days will magically change my life, but every time I keep my promise to myself, I cast another vote for the woman I am becoming.
If you want to join me, let me know what promise you could make to yourself for the next twenty-five days.
Something small enough to do consistently yet important enough to matter.
And then let’s see where we are on my birthday!