I’ve realised that one of the things I do naturally, whether I’m working with a client on their wardrobe, their business, their confidence, or in the shops, is to spot patterns. It’s my maths brain, I’m always looking for the underlying pattern
Sometimes they’re obvious, sometimes they’re hidden in the stories we tell ourselves, sometimes they’re so familiar that we don’t even notice them anymore. Ticky little beasts.
But once you spot the pattern and name it, something interesting happens.
You stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and you start asking, “I wonder why I keep doing that?”
Last week, I had one of those conversations that stay with you for a while; it makes you think. In fact, I’m still pondering, and I find writing about it helps me get my thoughts straight.
We were talking about how easy it is to get excited by the next idea. Set up a new system, a new planner, a new strategy. We spend time setting it all up, convinced this is the thing that will finally make the difference.
And then… something shiny catches our eye, and we’re off down another track. More systems, more planning, more strategy.
We recognise it and try to discipline our way out of it. But discipline is rarely the answer (unless you’re Erling Haaland of course!)
And it made me think….
What if so many of the things we struggle with aren’t actually the problem? What if they’re just patterns we’ve never stopped to notice?
Once you notice the pattern, you can ask a better question.
Instead of asking: “What’s wrong with me?” you ask “I wonder why I keep doing that?”
Take your wardrobe. Yes, yes, I know, clothes are my comfort zone
You’re frozen in front of the doors – ‘What shall I wear?’
But what if you asked, “How do I want to feel when I get dressed?”
One question focuses on clothes. The other focuses on you – your life, your business.
The answer often makes the choice more obvious.
Instead of “Why do I always end up here?” you ask “What pattern keeps bringing me back?”
Curiosity is where change begins.
The more I coach, the more I realise that people rarely need another checklist or another piece of advice.
Most of us already know what we ‘should’ be doing.
What we need is the space to notice the patterns we’ve been living out on repeat.
Because once you see them, they start to lose their power.
I’ve been spotting my own patterns recently.
The tendency to chase the next idea instead of staying the course, the temptation to fill every spare moment instead of protecting my energy, the habit of looking for another answer when I already know the next right step.
None of those patterns makes me a failure. They just need better questions.
Questions like:
· What’s creating friction in my life right now?
· What decision am I avoiding?
· What would make this easier?
· What promise have I stopped keeping to myself?
· If I trusted myself completely, what would I do next?
What if the quality of our lives is shaped, in part, by the quality of the questions we ask ourselves?
So, pause for a moment, notice what’s repeating, get curious and ask yourself a better question.
You might be surprised by where it leads.
And if you need support, my coaching helps women spot patterns, ask better questions, and create lives that feel like their own.